I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
