We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
