I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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