well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
