wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
