You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
