Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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