I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
