i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
