Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Still dying that you shit outside
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
