i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
