Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
