I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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