You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
