the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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