my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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