In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
