Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
