Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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