i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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