You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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