she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
