Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
