if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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