We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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