I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
