so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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