i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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