Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
