you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize