His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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