Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
