ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
