I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
