im having a threesome with these popsicles
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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