Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
