i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
