Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Boobs speak an international language.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize