I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
