If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
