Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
