just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
