There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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