I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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