eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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