Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
