Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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