You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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