If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
