I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I look better un-naked...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it's like heaven, but drunker
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
