I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
