How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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