bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
