you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
