he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
