So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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