32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
