At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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