I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
