Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
