just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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