just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
