shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize