Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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