He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
