I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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