i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
