fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
