I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
