I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
