Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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