i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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