I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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