You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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