i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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