Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
