I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry about my life...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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