seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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