i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
