Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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