Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
