I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
