Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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