I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
