I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you win again, gameday.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
