I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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