we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
