eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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