I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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