i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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