My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
