I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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